LIFE: Ties that Bind

SARONNO, Italy - After last week’s post on ex-pats returning home, I thought you might be interested in some of the social organizations that bring us together. When I lived in Genova I belonged to the Federation of American Women’s Clubs Overseas (Fawco) and I’m still friends with some of the women I met during that period. Here in Milan, my entry to the English speaking community was through the Professional Women’s Association. The clubs are an essential part of any ex-pat’s life abroad; they are the ties that bind. The organizations listed below are in Milan but you will find ex-pat groups for both men and women in most Italian cities.

• American Business Luncheon. This was conceived by and for members of the (north) American community living and working in Milano. Whereas the core of the group is made up of executives from the American business community, and attendance is still by invitation only, today the American Business Luncheon is open to all those having interests or business dealings with North America and North American companies. Luncheons are held once a month, towards the end of the month. Info: http://www.americanbusinessgroup.org/

Hash House Harriers Toga Run in Rome

•AperoNet is a social group that meets without a fixed schedule in the evening at various places in Milan. We're an international mix of Expats & Italians in their 30's-50's. no fees, no memberships, just show up when you like: http://aperonet.too.it "

• Benvenuto Club of Milan. We are a club of English speaking women of many nationalities from forty different countries. We meet on the second Tuesday of each month from 10 am –12 pm at Circolo Alessandro Volta, Via Giusti 16•MM2 Moscova. We exist to support women who moved into the Milan area. We also have an extensive program of special activities, visits and volunteer work. We meet socially in each neighbourhood of Milan. Free baby-sitting service available. Contact the Newcomers Director at 338.969.1563, e-mail newcomersbenvenuto@yahoo.com

• International Benvenuto Club of Varese is a club for English-speaking women from all over the world. The club has a number of regular and special activities. Meets every month for coffee (free for members) at Esselunga of Masnago or elsewhere. For information contact: www.benvenutovarese.org or membership@benvenutovarese.org

• The British Chamber of Commerce for Italy is the focal point of the British business community in Milan and other major Italian cities. Activities in Milan include a monthly lunch – an ideal networking opportunity – on the last Thursday of the month, seminars, tax and legal round tables, as well as an interesting social calendar (wine trips, golf outings, etc). Further details on www.britchamitaly.com or tel. 02.8056094.

• Eurocircle was founded in 2000 in NY. Its goal is to enable expatriated professionals to meet, to express themselves, network, socialize, and find information about the city to which they have moved. Milan’s EuroCircle organizes a monthly happy hour and dinner in the center of town for expats from all over the world. Contact Maria Chiara Russo, milan@eurocircle.com and state “membership to EuroCircle” in subject line.

• The Hash House Harriers (defined as “The drinking club with a running problem”), or rather the Royal Milan & Bordighera Hash House Harriers, is a branch of the original club formed in Malaysia by British colonists who, given the lack of hares or foxes in that distant land, invented a chase based on a human hare leaving trails (true and false) of flour. Today in their attempts to cater for “the fit, the unfit and the social misfit”, they hold a group 40 to 60min run in Milan on alternate Mondays at 7.30 pm, a run in the countryside every other Saturday or Sunday, and various other events. Info on their website at www.milanhhh.com or contact S+M at suboyle@enjoy.it

• The Milan Cricket Club, founded in 1972 by a brave group of UK expatriates. Fixtures are usually held on weekends in the countryside with lunch and dinner on Sunday. Contact:- tionale_europe@rediffmail.com"

• Partyamo is an idea created by Steven Walthew for international people. Partyamo organizes social events which bring together everyone staying in Milan: picnics in the park, ceilidhs, aperitvi, Sunday brunch, day trips and more. See the website for details and enrolment form. http://www.partyamo.com/

• The Professional Women’s Association was established in 1987, based on the recognized need of working women for a resource and network with which to exchange information about living and working in Milan. €100 January to December. Visit our website www.pwa-milan.org, e-mail pwa@pwa-milan.org.

Ex-patriate nightlife

• At Old Fashion Café, Viale Alemagna 6 (entrance from Viale Camoens), a popular event for international students and tourists is organised every Wednesday: music, buffet, cocktails, film in original language, disco, run by Eventsplace, http://www.eventsplace.it/.

• Leopardi 13 has launched “International Happy Hours”, every Tuesday, run by a language school in cooperation with an event organizer. It is aimed at international people in Milan for brief periods, for those who are studying a language and want to practice conversation in a relaxing atmosphere. The Leopardi 13 café-restaurant is in... guess, Via Leopardi 13 (MM1/2 Cadorna), open from 7am to 02.00 am. Happy hour every evening 18.30-22.00, €6, or €12 for the Jumbo Cocktail in a 1½ litre glass. Info Andrea 393.749.6785.

• Soir Café , on Via Edmondo De Amicis 4, near the Colonne di San Lorenzo, runs “Flytonight” every Saturday, offering international atmospheres with evenings dedicated to the world's capitals, in music, art and culture. “Check-in” at 20.00, aperitifs, a quiet area with shiatsu massage, disco music from 22.00 to 4 am. Prices are reduced for non-Italians: €5 20.00-22.00, €8 after 22.00.

Your comments and observations are always welcomed (thisitalianlife@yahoo.com).

LIFE: Re-Entry Blues

SARONNO, Italy - Fawco is the Federation of American Women’s Clubs Overseas, a worldwide organization whose purpose is to provide an environment for Americans and other English speaking women living abroad to meet. The alumni division is called Fausa and it helps Fawco members re-adjust to life in the USA after living abroad.

The lure of the Amalfi Coast

One of Fausa’s missions is to help bridge the re-entry gap back into the American way of life by maintaining connections with other returned Fawco members who have shared an expatriate life. Going home is not as easy as you may think.
What is true is that after surviving an out-of-USA experience you see the world through different eyes, and as Pam Perraud, Fawco’s NGO Director and UN representative writes, “repatriation shock is real and often more painful than ‘culture shock’ was in moving to a foreign country. It has been defined as the shock in realizing that nothing at home is the same as before.”

Easy Living in Rome

“You may find that your newfound skills don’t carry much weight,” wrote one expat who lived in England for several years. “Friends give you a blow by blow of five years of marital discord and vacations to the Jersey shore, but don’t seem to be able to sustain more than a few minutes interest in where you have been. Things have changed while you were gone and you wonder if you are an old timer or a newcomer. I wanted to take out an ad in the American Women’s Club Newsletter warning everyone to STAY WHERE THEY ARE,” she went on to say.

A Favorite Cafe in Milan's Galleria

Another article, written by a woman who lived in Germany for two and a half years, pointed out that for many of us, when we think about going home we think:
- Finally I will really understand what’s going on.
- I can’t wait to do business where people are efficient and courteous.
- Everything works better in the USA.
- People will be interested in hearing what I’ve been through – both good and bad.
- If I could adjust to life and work overseas, surely I’ll be able to handle this so-called repatriation adjustment.
“Sometimes,” she write, “these things are true and sometimes they are not.”
For better or worse we change. No matter what the quality of the overseas experience, we are affected by it. We return a different person than when we left.

Wow! It Really Does Lean

An article written by Helen Bachman cites several cases in which people, after having returned to America, moved back overseas. One woman, who had lived in Paris, was quoted as saying: “I felt the shock of my life. I couldn’t fit in or find a niche for myself and the American lifestyle I thought I missed so much didn’t seem to suit me anymore.”
Once you have returned to the States a move back overseas is sometimes hard to explain to family and friends. Often even the expat doesn’t realize that what they may consider a return for an undefined period of time may end up being a lifetime.

Ravello, A little bit of Heaven on Earth

But what is gained by living in another country goes far beyond the telling of tales of moonlight trips down the Grand Canal and espressos sipped in sidewalk cafes. Just being challenged on a daily basis, solving problems and dealing with issues you never even thought about before strengthens you. Even if you crawl home and collapse in a heap, the next time out you are stronger and wiser.

The confidence you acquire in learning another language, to shop in kilos instead of pounds, in overcoming cultural barriers and just going from point A to point B without getting lost is something that is yours forever.

So why is it so hard for some to go back to the US? I think it’s the very things we all complain about that we miss the most: the unexpected – the satisfaction of resolving and overcoming yet another bureaucratic folderol, the sense of accomplishment that comes from making it through another day.

Everyone Falls in Love with Florence

In other words home is predicable, safe and do I dare say it - boring. I can hear expats here in Italy hooting – oh, for a safe, predicable, boring day. But even they have to admit no matter what the quality of their overseas experience is they are affected by it.

I know that when I moved to Italy I had no idea how long I would be here. The plan was to stay until I didn’t want to be here anymore. Has that happened? Am I tired of living abroad? Well no, not yet, but you see I’ve only been here 20 years and there are still some days when I feel as though I’m just getting the hang of it. But who knows, things can change. Let me get back to you in, say… 2025?